his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
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