Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
