She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
