Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
