If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
