just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
