Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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