You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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