and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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