all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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