last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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