You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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