Screwed.edu
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
