super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
