Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
