and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
