What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
