My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
