Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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