I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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