brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
