I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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