Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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