It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
