i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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