I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We are two peas in an std pod
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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