D3 body, D1 cock
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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