I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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