i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
