In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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