i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
