she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
