May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
