I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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