I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
