omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
