ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
