woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
