I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm passing your future prison.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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