Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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