See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
