haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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