$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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