I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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