I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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