i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
