Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
