I bet he comes in French.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
