that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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