I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
